At 18 going on 19 i realise that life is not a bed of roses after all...everything that happen here happens for a reason....sit back and think...my life is like a book that has already been written and stamp by allah even before i was even part of it...i am just an individual that have to be in that big picture to finish up the play...no doubt..i choose what i want..but still there are many other things that happen beyond our control...what i choose today effects what happen tomorrow...choices are simply endless...i have no 1 to blame....it was all mend to happen...think positive...and move on..its after all about the clock that goes...tik..tik..tik...isn'it...yes! i am not at my best state of mind now...there are seriously tooo many things that is going on ...the brown line is i just dont wish to touch on it plus i guess despite the fact that i am at my worst ...i am still happy...this special some1 of mind...he make me feel that i am not alone in this battle...he make me realize that he will always be with me just like my shadow...the most surprising thing that i can ever imagine is that he accept me for who i am entirely...after seeing tasneem at her worst...he is still here for me...just what is he made up of? i wonder...i swear that i had never came across any1 like him before...he make the world of disney and bollywood so alive in our relationship...i feel that i am in a land where there is only musa and myself...no1 can ever imagine that musa will ever do such sweet things for me...he do things so naturally...he knows what i need...how i feel...what i want...he knows that i am not perfect but still he's love for me is for internity....

Enjoying...weee....

Hehehex...actually i really enjoyed myself without jaan i thought its going to be a disaster and a boring day but indeed it was all proven wrong.....really i feel like its been long since i felt like this so i decided to switch off my phone i wanted no disturbence for the next few days....on that sunday after work i was dragging myself home to doll up and i have no idea why but i know myself that i look superb..i was thinking if i cant resist looking at myself at the mirror what would i expect from others...hmmmm...hahahax...but then it was fun thout went all eyes was on me and i was like wateva i know i am beautiful...hehehex....Seriously all my crazy cuzzins was like "hey gorgeous miss you darling"...keke..i was smiling like nobody's business...of course la...i am wanted la sey...and like standard once my cuzzins and i meet up thats it...its gonna be fun..fun..and more fun!...especially at the dance floor you just got to look at naeem and shahirah and ehem2 i was not bad either...we dance like no one was watching plus the music was just to hard to resist.....hariz was good at his bangra move 2..hahax...then of course the day have to come to an end...eee...bluekx! so yeap that nite i was just thinking about all the fun thing that happen at the wedding...i love you peepz..and thankz k for all the ehem2..you know i know thing...will be looking forward for more cuzzinz outing...

Today i started work at 10....the day was smooth...and guess what seriously man the doctors in ED are 1 nice human being i tell you...they share money for all the nurses to buy us 1 flat screen plasma tv and ice creams to show us how much they treasure our help...i mean how sweet is that...i had fun today as well...and btw thanks firdaus for that treat...hehex...i own you 1 treat as well....later at about 4 plus sister page for me...to send a patient to SGH...i was all exited to go...like duh! go there as a nurse was 1 proud thing...all eyes was on me again like always...but the best part was to be sitting in the ambulance..it was my 1st time...eeee...gerek! felt like a VIP...all the vehicles was making way for us...hahax...so then after work today i went for facial...and then off to the gym...saw farhan...he was like looking at me with his mouth open...crazy fellow...the 1st thing that came out from his mouth was" looking as beautiful as ever"..hayo!....but the best part of all is i get to eat fish and chips at swensens after a long fatigue day...gosh! i tell you i was really satistfied...every sensation of the food in my mouth was just mamamiya...hahahax...

So about tommorow...i guess i want to go for a swim....after all its been long since i have been swimming...my goal is to swim as far as possible off the shore...i know i will accomplish my goal...insyallah..till then let me go and grab a bite with my lovely family after which later we are going to watch jaani dushman....weeeee.....

Never felt this hurt before...

Well what can i say..been busy..especially TTSH ED OMG! but then suprsingly alhamdulilah...i am lovin it..i love my job..hehex..so yeap today's my off day like after a solid 9 days of werking like siau! finally rest day la sey.....life is totally diffrent now for me...like so totally...i wish i can reverse the clock to my school days...everything is going at a very fast and intense pase and its like there is so little time left...haiz! there are so many things in my head...its all in a total mess...i am just SUPER DUPER STRESS!!!! allah help me...something happen just now...i dont wish to touch on it...but definitely i noe that i did something stupid...i walk all the way from the sembawang park to my house...half way thru my journey i stopped at makmur mosque..to pray maghrib...i just felt that i wanted to talk to allah so much...he knows me the best...only he can guide me in my thoughts...i miss allah..

i am at lost of words for a moment...i am thinking about jaan...it hurts me so terribly much its as if he took a gun and shoot me..when he say that i make him cry twice and that i am stressing him..? did i? if i am maybe i should just go away from his life so that he'll get a peace of mind without me..maybe he mean to say that he's sick and tired of me...am i a bad girl? did i hurt him that much? for him to tell such piercing words to me...i am dissapointed...was it my fault that i really wanted some time on my own..? was it my fault that i wonder about alone @ Sembawang park...am i not a big girl dont i know how to take care of myself...dont i deserve to have fun on my own just like how i used too...

Make a Smilebox photobook

masyallah! yesterday was my 6 month anniversary with my love...how this 6 months have fly...tell me all about it...its just simply superb! i really enjoyed ever moment that i have spend with him...dating..eating...sharing thoughts...exchanging ideas..getting to know more about he and his family..day by day the feeling is growing..yes without doubt there were times where there were our upz and downz but isnt this part and parcel of all relationship..what matter is we promise each other that we'll be by each other's side with allah swt blessing..and that we'll grow strong together...what i can tell for sure is that i had the most fantastic time whenever i am with jaan...he will always come up with something to make me happy..it feels as if he plug those beautiful shiny stars from the sky especially for his baby girl...the feeling where by it comes only when i am with musa the 1 and only man for tasneem...there are alot of new things that i discover about my hubby while we are still dating...i learn that he is a very sincere man, he is willing to go to the extra mile for me and the people he love...an honest man with a very charming smile...discipline when it comes to something important... dedicate about islam, very ambitious about our future..something that i love about him so much is that he is super patient even when i guess he is able to flare up with me sometimes thank allah he is not the hot tempered type..hahaha..., relax most of the time but serious when he have too, he makes everything around us very comfortable for me...love him lotz!

I had lotsa fun with jaan and shaheen especially shaheen bhaijaan here and there..hahaha.. ....went to changi village for lunch...after which hit to changi beach and to changi airport...hahaha...it was in fact a changi day for uz...here are some of the picz we took...enjoy...

Purely candid! shaheen caugh him looking at me when i was teaching him..sho shweet

nice..yum2!

...1 of jaan's creative photoshot of me....

Wow!! seriously...i feel so blessed...allah swt gave me friends that are 1 in a million what else can i ask for..they make my ITE daez a very memorable event in my life...i am happy to the fact that all my friends are very special...they care and love me just like their very own...what i can say now is that i miss them so much! i wonder when will be the next time i can get to hug and kiss them talk, laugh and joke with them like how we did before..definitely things must have change now...with so many spicy storeys from all of us..but seriously the thing is that i want you pple back in my life...but life is changing...cant expect things to be like before..where we dont think about our tomorrow and what matters was our present and fun we had...now i am pity sure more or less we are having some kind of responsibility...responsibility of moulding our future...responsibility of our special onces..etc...something for sure...for my part..so long as my heart is beating and i am still breathing you pple will alwaez be my special group of friends...friends who supported me in whatever i do...and all the encouragement and advise that you pple have given me..its just to wonderful....

I miss my crazy bunch of friends....

Especially tiz crazy partner of mine....

hahaha..fatin was really gonna throw me in the bin....

Our past time during Bio class...mmuakx!

Thanks for making me like a princess of the day...haha..with the clothes and make up...

i am sick!!! argh!!! i hate it when i have to be sick......there is precisely nothing much to do...cant eat ice cream...cant play in the rain...cant pamper myself..cant indulge on the food that i crave for...cant read books and do things that i enjoy doing..and the worse feeling is when at this point of time where i really need some one by my side badly to care and show me their genuine love every1 seems to be busy with some1 or something else but not me....haiz..i feel so helpless..the feeling is tremendously pricking to the heart...tasneem is so lonely!...i dont know what to do?, where to go?...as it is there is so many things running in my mind...on top of that the discomfort that i am facing due to the pain...at this point of time i wish i am able to close my eyes tight and dissappear from every1 sight...after all who cares if i am gone...while typing my thoughts...i feel that what ever that i am feeling right now i am not alone...this is something new in my life in which i am facing as a young lady for the 1st time but what about millions of old folk around the world in the nursing homes....what must they be feeling to be having life without their love onces by their side? not for a year or two in fact up to a decade...the thought of it tears just flow out from my eyes...its so painful! isnt it?

i count myself lucky but at the same time i am determine to bring a ray of light and hope in their lives...even thought i am aware that i am not able to do much..but at least the little things that i do will make an impact in their hearts...i hope that my presence in their lives would bring a smile on their face...everyday i pray to allah to grand me this priceless wish where by i am able to care for them in their worst times...but i wonder when will my this wish ever come true...i want it..my friends think that i am silly enough to have such thoughts at a very young age where by its time for me to enjoy my life with my friends...going out and have lots of fun..making new friends of the same age...etc..its just simply a waste of my time...what i call as happiness is when i am able to put my dear once as a priority before myself...i just feel good..its something like when i see them smile and they thank me for what i do...i feel so good inside...there is no words to describe how good i felt...

just look at her...she's blind yet look at her charming smile..masyallah isnt it priceless...what she might have when thru in her life? the ups and the downs? she must have had a very happy family....but then her family might have rejected her...still look at the glow of happiness at her face despite all...

this is what i want...i want jaan and myself to love each other, care for each other,be by each other side together as 1 soul and two bodies..i want to be behind all your success...insyallah we'll tell our grandchilden how much we mean to each other...Ameen...

When you are in close proximity with other human being there will be many a time that you will offend each other. Relationship with the other gender inevitably hurt each other from time to time. Saying "I'm sorry" are the two words that i feel i should say to him to repair my relationship. Without apologies the bad feelings are allowed to grow and i dont wish for it to happen because i treasure the man by the name musa very much too much in fact therefore... i put my guards down and admit that i may have made a mistake."I am extremely sorry for what i may have said to have make you very mad at me...something for real is that you know that i dont mean to have hurt you a lot...it just happen..."

MuShEy2..

"Jaan if my love for you were water, it would be as vast as an ocean."
"Forever is not a word...rather a place where you and i go when we take them there."
" Our love story doesn't have a happy ending because true love story doesn't end."
"I never knew what love was until I met the charming guy musa in malabar, then when distance pulled us apart, I found out what true love is."
"You are my soulmate, my sweetheart, you are my dream come true, from now until the end of time where i have to go back to Allah I give my heart and soul to you only to the one and only musa the darling...
True love is something that we share ... a journey that takes us a lifetime to complete."
"My love for you has no depth, its boudaries are ever expanding. My love and my life with you will be a never ending story."
"I have loved you all my life my dream man musa it has just taken me this long to find you."

The most sexiest and macho man belongs to me....

ehem2! by the way tatz mrs musa for you...

Thatz how happy i am went i am with my hubby! all smilez! Eeeee!
I will alwaez be musa's baby

A day that is engraved in my heart...140109

I went out with hubby on the fridae had lotsa fun with him..shopping eating bagera and bagera...so yor...reach home like about 10 plus...after which he came to my house...amijaan and abbu start toking to jaan....tok and tok and tok.....booh! its 5 in the morning....cant believe my eyes that he actuali stayed longer then ever just for me thout he's sick..aww!! sshhoo shuet!! muah!! thanks jaan for the gift as well as the time which you spend with me...i treasure all the moments that we had spend together i swear its a memory that will stay with me for a life time...and indeed its a priceless one...

Zzzz...

Woke up for my subuh prayer todae like alwaez..was unable to sleep thought...i am pissed, angry, furious....i sat patiently on the praying mat...thinking..dhikir..reflecting...everything happens for a reason either it is known or hidden from the human point of view. ...as it is i m so blessed...he gave me everything that i ask sincerely..even to the extend of giving me a man that is indeed so special...maybe what i am going thru now is a test from almighty allah ...maybe he wants to make my iman stronger..maybe he wants to test our relationship as of how true we are to each other..maybe allah wants to see how much i love allah by being patient and istiqha'mah in my dhua...maybe he wants me to see jaan in a diffrent point of view...after what happen just now...i promise in the name of allah that ..i was totally touched by what he said...he move me to tears...he make me so special in his eyes...he makes everything look and feel easy when i am with him...he calm my senses by reassuring me that he'll deal with the torns in my heart..n most importantly he make me feel that i have made the right desicion to be with him...i just love him...

psst...jaan if ure reading my blog..i just gotta sey to u that i need you to hold my hands tightly and never to let go of me forever....i am a girl that needs you by my side to make me a stronger person to face up to our obstacles together...